Sunday, April 30, 2006

Housecleaner for a absentminded Housewife!

Duties: Laundry; dusting; houshold cleaning
Pay: Priceless!

First, I want to say- that I love being a mom and a wife. Secondly, I dread the tasks that I have to do over and over and over again. I feel like those repetitive tasks are self defeating! I am a perfectionist- to a point, which now is very clear. When I feel overwhelmed I tend to let things build up- like dust, dirt, you get what I'm alluding to. =)

I want to do the things that get noticed and do them with lots of love: such as cooking, packing meals, organizing, pampering. All the other mundane tasks take away from what I love and enjoy doing for my house, husband and daughter.

Ok, so I'm sure I'm earning a "C" grade for my "housewife" so far. It sometimes makes me feel less than, and yet, since those jobs are generally under-appreciated, I think "who cares". I can't stay focused on housecleaning when I'm expected to do so many other things. My "Hilary Clinton" alter-ego is in constant battle with my "June Cleaver" life.

A woman's/mother's work is truly never done! And I take it a step further- it's rarely even accomplished! I try. I swear. I try most of the time. I want to have a spotless house-and some of the time I actually do have a spotless house (in varying rooms-you know how it is ). But for all of the time, work and effort put into cleaning-how long does it last? 2 minutes!!!!!!!

Again, did I use up my five minutes yet? (refer to 4/16 post) (WINK)

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Something is eating me up,
or did I eat 1 2 many cookies?

Or was it the chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans and gravy? Or my spinach lasagna for lunch. Or the muffin for a snack. Or the quesadilla con pollo for an early dinner?

What's stopping me from eating throughout the night? Gosh, did I wake up as a pig today? Actually, I've been eating like I've been on the Survivor show for most of this past week. What is eating me?

I'm an addict! Fat, carbs, proteins seduce my mind. What happened to my control? I'm sorry to admit it. I will not go to Food Eaters Anonymous! I'm not going to go on the wagon- pull on the wagon - build the wagon. I'm going to be a lifelong food addict!

Am I crazy? Half (well, I know there's some statistic out there) the people out there feel shamed into starving themselves- if even for a day or a half of a day. Am I going to give up cookies when I love to bake? Heck no! Will I have a few cookies in a day- and the next day too? Heck yes. People who starve themselves and or binge can like or dislike themselves just as much as a person of the other extreme.

Okay, so why do I have the right to talk like this? What do I know? Most people would look at me an consider me on the thin side. But my brain says, I'm fat. I could be "X" pounds underweight and I'd still think I'm too big for my body. I battled this voice in my head since I was in junior high and growing out of my bras. (I didn't need a life-vest when I had buoys attached to my body!)

I finallly figured out that "it" had nothing to do with how much I ate or weighed. My brain was the enemy- not the food. We give food superficial power over our emotions. I had to end the relationship cold turkey. No more dates, no more calls, and no more guilt trips! Don't assume that I don't maintain a daily struggle with that ended relationship. But it no longer has the better of me.

Is my five minutes of whining over yet? (refer to my post on 4/16) Oh, good. Then I'll have another scoop of ice cream! =p

Friday, April 28, 2006

Thanks, Boss Man

I'm thankful to the man above (dare I call him God?). I have to remind myself on a regular basis to look at the beauty and abundance I have in my life. I'm not talking about the bank account- but the things that you can carry with you to your grave- the things you preserve in your heart.

I thank God for letting me live in such a beautiful oceanside town as a child. I will never forget the summers on the beach sitting in the water and waiting for the mermaids to appear out of the diamonds on the water. Nothing is more fun that playing touch football on the shore with a clambake cooking and waiting for me to enjoy. How about all of the times I got to iceskate in my own backyard? How many people got to pick their own cranberries (in the same backyard) and make their own cranberry food as a child?

I thank God for the talent and love for music. Next to writing, music has always saved my emotional downward spirals. There were many tears that I shed through the music I produced. How many people played a musical instrument with the band at their wedding? How many people have had the opportunity to play with a professional orchestra? How many people have parents that drove them an hour to and from expensive music lessons because they thought you were worth the time and money?

How many people get to go to the University of their dreams? I met so many unbelievable people and friends at Cornell- for the short time I was there. I remember laying on the hill near my dorm at nights and singing to the moon. How many people had a creamery on their campus? A hotel? How about gorgeous gorges to dip in on the warm summer days?

I thank God for the amazing two months I spent in Waterloo, ON. I basically knew no one there, but he watched over me and made sure I was safe. And to top it off, he steered me towards fun and interesting friends. How many people will share a meal with people from around the world and converse in two languages at the same time? How many people make such beautiful friendships in just a short two months as I was able/blessed to do?

I thank God for teaching me that it's not how much money you give or if you give an expensive gift at all. He showed me that giving your prized possessions, be-it piano music or movies, that with the right people and friends, they'll understand what a precious gift they received.

The Boss Man has taught me the greatest lesson: no matter how many mistakes I've made- he loves me and will give me the best of what I deserve. He must love me greatly to give me a wonderful family and an angel of a daughter. (She was born the day before Thanksgiving!)

A big thanks to you, Boss Man;
I guess I owe you big time.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

If it makes you happy, I'm happy

Hey- of all the thoughts and ingenius ideas that have popped into and quickly exited my brain, I like this idea the best!

What if you did something on your own that made you happy? I should be glad! It's less work for me and it also means that you'll be pleasant with me. All in all, I can look at the bright side and decide to be happy with you.

So- If it makes you happy, I'm happy as a duck to be happy with you and reap the benefits as well! Just another good reason why I should be/stay happy.


Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Saved by Tomorrow
I think I think too much. But thinking about tomorrow- the future- is better than dwelling on the past. There are no guarantees that tomorrow will be any better than today; just that it will always be a new opportunity for better things to come into our lives.

It's still our choice to decide how we approach "tomorrow". If yesterday was crappy, should we let it taint the rest of our days? Or treat each day as it's own singular identity in our lives where we can always improve upon ourselves. Why live until tomorrow if you don't hope and strive for a better life?

And yet, many people take "tomorrow" for granted- among many other things. Some people think that they have gajillions of days ahead of them to be happy, kind, successful, charitable, or even just to love. Would you rather die on a good day where you could "think" back upon it as an angel in the sky and say "yes, I finally did life right and my last day was a celebration". Wouldn't it be a shame to experience so many highs and lows in your lifetime to have your last day a "half empty" day? Well, yes, it's part empty because you threw the happiness away and you've perished.

Which type of people do you surround yourself with? The ones who radiate positive energy, or the ones who tend to be negative and assume that they would "attract" positivity? What if you were the last person who talked to a friend/neighbor/family member/co-worker just before they unexpectedly passed- do you want to be the person who gave the deceased their last happy thought; most of all- would you regret sowing upon their minds heavy negative thoughts?

I don't care how bad/miserable my yesterday or today was; tomorrow will be the day I take one more step towards happiness and self actualization!!!


Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Ultraexersaucer Time!
Wow! Who told this gal to pose? Not her momma. lol

Today is the first time she seemed actually comfortable in the exersaucer. Her upperbody strength is developing faster than her "core" muscles. But- as you can see- she seems to be enjoying her freedom.

It's another milestone for her where I didn't have to hold her steady to snap the picture. Too bad I didn't have it on the Easyshare camera because the clarity is lacking. The Nokia6230 camera phone pictures look much better on the phone itself. But it's good in a pinch.

Is it just me, or does Jasmin look a little too happy? :p
BTW: She's feeling better today! Thank goodness. :D

Monday, April 24, 2006

Miss Jasmin is a little under the weather =(

My little baby doll has been puking a lot in the past 12 hrs. And yet she does not act overly sick/uncomfortable/bothered. She doesn't have the appetite to make up for the "loss". This morning she virtually puked her body weight but without crying. My poor baby! I hope she gets through this very fast. She hasn't been sick at all since birth, so I guess I'm fortunate for that.

I called her Dr. this morning. I'm supposed to watch for a fever, dry lips, dry crying and wet diapers. Well, it's been a few hours since and I have had no warning more puking sessions since the A.M.

We went to her first birthday party (as a guest) on friday and perhaps that's where she picked up the little bug. She's such a good girl that she doesn't complain! Am I lucky, or what? =)

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Bittersweet Thoughts

I guess I'm feeling older; like my life and timeclock is being thrusted forward without my control. Am I feeling this way because I take things for granted? I certainly thought I was soaking up and savoring every minute of my new motherhood. But now, as Jasmin is growing out of her small baby clothes and getting bigger, I miss yesterday... and the day before that...and the day before that.

Perhaps it's hitting me all at once and I'm truly realizing how much I love being a mom that I fear that my role as a mother will be taken away from me too fast. Jasmin's just about five months old and I'm already missing her seven-eight-nine-ten pounder days. The days when all she knew how to do is to cry and stare intently into my eyes as I held her and sang silly songs.

I'm afraid of the day she'll stop being enthralled by my embrace, smiles, goofy voices and songs. I'm afraid of not mattering to her as much as I do now - as much as she matters to me today and and the next. I'm afraid we'll fall into the all to common family traps where we argue and grow apart. I'm afraid she'll take my heart when she leaves.

I'm getting separation anxiety with my beloved baby. I guess my mind is playing over the timeline and details of my relationship with my parents. Will Jasmin grow to dislike me? Will she ever come to a time where she understands and forgives the mistakes I have yet to make?

I feel crazy with anxiety. I love her so much it hurts. It makes me tear up to explain how much I love her. I've never felt so good about myself as when I became a mother- as if this is what I was meant to do- to be.

I hope she grows up feeling secure and loved and that she gravitates to her family and "home". And hopefully, when she's twenty-five my hugs will be as powerful and comforting as they are today. I hope I am (and will be) the mother she wants and needs.

Friday, April 21, 2006

I found myself feeling guilty today. I originally didn't think that I had done anything wrong- but then I noticed that the two people I affected acted a little hurt.

So here's the situation, I just need to get the guilt out of my head. I was given a ride by a friend (bless her heart). Her daughter was sitting in the back with my baby and started poking around her eye. I realized that she was only trying to have innocent fun and was trying to be gentle. But, being in a car, where sudden stops can happen- well, who knows- I was extra nervous about that particular way of playing with Jasmin. I (as far as I can remember) requested calmly to the sweet girl that she stop playing with Jasmin's eye area, but thanked her for her sweet attention. I must be very loopie b/c the next time I looked back the little girl seemed hurt and quiet. Then I looked at my friend (her mom) and she didn't seem thrilled at what I had said to her daughter. Apparently, the daughter (whom I adore, by the way) was hurt by what I said and is not going to talk to me for a while. It saddens me b/c when I saw her hurt face, I had a flashback of my own childhood chiding. Then, my friend's handsome baby boy started crying for the last half of the trip. Did I start a domino effect?

Anyways, it's the first time I've ever made a comment like that. I was intending to be calm (I thought I was) and say things gently, but I can't help how people react to my behavior, as stupid as it can get. I feel as though I looked like a cranky old childless woman.

Well, I hope it's forgiven and forgotten. I should have shut my mouth b/c she was not hurt in the least. My bad. =(

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Little People, Big World

I hate to admit how much I enjoy watching this new reality show on TLC. It's embarrassing to say that I'm hooked on all of the "reality" genre shows. Shoot, I trying to understand my own reality- maybe I should spend more time on that. lol j/k I think too much- is my problem. Maybe that's why I indulge in the boob-tube. They sell it as "reality" tv, but it's pretty presumptuous that people out there think their lives (unaltered) would get great ratings. I'm not totally sold on the idea that the "reality" we watch isn't tweaked for ratings. Come on- this is capitalist America where money rules.

But let's get back to the "Little People" show. I love what I see. They seem like a great crazy family with a totally different perspective. I get them a lot of credit. I humorously pretend to feel solidarity with them since I'm on the smaller side of the height spectrum. They inspire me b/c even while they were dealt more challenges in their life, they have mentally erased any limitations. I feel like I'm watching a motivational show when I see them conquering the world as I know it, but with their lifestyle.

I guess that's why I like TV. It reminds me that there is a whole spectrum of life experiences out there and to make me take an out-of-body look at my life and reactions.

But why don't I just come out with it. TV cures my loneliness. Until Jasmin drills me with "Why why why" and I have people coming through my revolving front door, I need people stimulation- radio or TV.

The moral of the story is that my life could be worse- the media says so.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006


The thing that I love the most is seeing Jasmin and her Daddy hang out. I can't wait for her to be a little older and follow him all around the yard, in the mountains and dancing to awesome rock favorites.

Todd has been waiting for the moment she could fit in this baby t-shirt and this photo op. Nothing's cuter! In the future, they'll look back and smile. =)

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Jasmin is Almost there!

She was sitting up in my lap today. Yes, she had clasped my hands- but she was not leaning on them. And I could tell that she was concentrating! How sweet... to watch her progress. If only I could take the credit for her huge improvements. lol

On a tangent, I am afraid of the day she learns to cry because she's be emotionally bruised. So far, her life is filled with excitement, love and frustrations. But not social contempt. I am going to have a hard time dealing with her tears.

What scares me even more is that I don't think I can help her develop social prowess. I'm still working on mine. All I can think to teach her is to be a quality soul no matter what people come into her life. Hopefully, she will attract people who are of the same heart.

I guess that is what I think about most at this stage in life. It's not about looks, money, stature, or education. For me, I search for people to enrich my life with heart and experience. I still slip up and make mistakes. But, the times I'm cognizant, I feel good about myself for putting effort into my character.

My social philosophy is based on nunchi, life experiences and great examples.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Ode to Partiality

Okay, I'm joining the legions of moms who claim their babies are the cutest. I read an article a while back that says that babies are so pleasing to look at because of their round plump faces and proportionally large eyes.

On the subject of eyes... I've been told that I have beautiful eyes with a very exotic shape (asian). Most of my life, I've resisted this compliment b/c I actually don't like to play up my Asian roots. I much prefer big round caucasian shaped eyes! But the grass is always greener on the other side.

But now that I look at my daughter's big almond shaped eyes (thanks to her daddy), I think her part asian features are beautiful. I love the fact that she's of mixed race. She's the posterchild for what I think is God's vision of love. I'm talking about bi-racial children. God is about loving everyone no matter what their culture, color or religion happens to be. And what is larger proof of love than creating life?

I remember being pregnant and dreading how much my body was changing. I was afraid that I'd end up keeping the pregnancy fat, be lined like a zebra, and end up totally unattractive. But surprisingly enough, as my pregnancy progressed and I let my lifelong insecurities go- I felt more and more beautiful. Talk about feeling like a walking temple. lol

Now that I'm a mother, I no longer stress about my looks. And lucky for me (and breastfeeding), I've lost all the baby weight. I admit I have some spider veins and stretch marks. But Jasmin is worth it! If those imperfections give me away that I'm a proud mom-so be it.

Seeing my daughter change day to day, with her own individual beauty, I vow to not stress about the same things we tended to worry about during puberty. I am vain in the respect that I'm proud of my daughter's looks and that's enough for me. I do hope, though, that she is even more than a pretty face- but kind and intelligent.

My looks aren't important anymore.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

It's easy to fall into a rut. Give people a chance to pleasantly surprise you and reaffirm your relationship.

This particular advice is hard for me to enact. It's not that I'm not a positive person and definately not that I don't love my friends and family dearly. But, I've been deeply disappointed in the past. My own mother abandoned me when I was young enough to understand. Ever since, I've been hypersensitive to criticism and rejection. I'm well founded in that area- but I've spent most of my life circumventing that rut. It's worth it once in a while.

The above is a picture is of me and my husband the month we got married in Chicago. It seemed as if we talked in depth and freely more easily as a non married couple. Now with the expectations that marriage puts upon spouses, I think the communication becomes more inhibited. In fact, I was so afraid of this predicament that even before he proposed, I was hoarding resources to help me along the communication struggle. Or is it just complacency?

There was a particular subject of conversation that I avoided like the plague. I was afraid what would happen/change between us if we talked about it.

I was super pleasantly surprised at how it turned out. It gave me the sign that Todd values our relationship. The conversation didn't hurt me the way I envisioned it would.

I woke up today feeling very happy about my family and marriage. And if I take my friend's advice, I'll wake up feeling the same way for the rest of our life together.

I'm blessed.

I give my friends and holidays, such as today, much credit for enriching my life and rejuvenating my usual bubbly attitude.

The other day, I spent some time with one of my newer friends and her kids. She immediately struck me as a very kind person and an old soul. She sweetly reminded me that it is up to me to decide how I look at and approach my life. Don't get me wrong- my mind is not foreign to that idea, but we all need reminders now and again. We can discuss most things, vent and come back to a serene and content mood.

Funny enough, the next day, I was described as someone who doesn't complain much. So for me, I took it as a huge compliment. But then again, we all have our choice targets (not in a harsh slant) for our venting sessions. I'm the first to admit that I indulge myself in complaints once in a while. It's my way of listening to my inner voice. Then I tell it to shut up. lol

So that's a concept. I will give my crazy inner voice a maximum of 5 minutes for each desperate outburst and then move on. That way, I will have acknowledged my weak side and also will put it behind me just as fast. Would this strategy make me more sane? God forbid.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

***Happy Easter to me***

I am so lucky- I get surprise gifts in the mail! Today my grandmother in FL sent me some uber cute clothes. It was in the 80s today, so I was able to wear my new green outfit.

And, I'm getting used to my mom taking too many pictures of me in the same area, clothes, lighting- whatever. So, I've taken upon myself to make up for her subpar amateur photography skills!


Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Is it just me, or are moms finding abstract social refuge on the internet? I tend to rely on feedback from other moms to see if I'm just riding the common "mom train" with my daily non-serious tribulations. So far, I think I'm experiencing the run of the mill mom life.

I had no idea how isolating it is to be a mom. You tend to fall out of touch with your friends who aren't mothers. And, the moms you do know are just as busy as you are and so interaction with them is limited as well. I guess my inner angst and guilt is not unusual.

I'm realizing that for a lot of moms out there, the internet is your base for "virtual" adult social interaction. Like we're waiting behind our monitors for a "hello, out there!" invitation to type while our babies are watching Baby Einstein videos or crying for our attention. I guess we all need an outlet; and the internet gives us solidarity with a frill of optional anonymity.

I am a happy mom. But sometimes I feel guilty because of it. Do I deserve to stay home, not make money and enjoy my days with my blossoming happy baby? I think that even though people (mostly men) say that they have modern views of committed relationships. But, I also think that they (men) are hiding that they also expect the traditional woman in us. And for me, there in-lies mymental tug of war. Men have gotten so used to women being moneymakers that they think that we should carry both the burdens of working women and traditional stay at home moms when our babies arrive. Insanity!

I also think that the "modern" man/woman relationships foster closeness and mind to mind interaction. But then we are thrown off guard when the babies come and the whole "modern" relationship is out the window. It's like we no longer know how to sustain dual (traditional & modern) relationships. Is it a man's way of showing us "you women can't have it all"?

I think that's where the postpartum woes stem from for both sexes. It seems like the babies are the one extra thing that we struggle to juggle and in an effort to be good parents, we let all the other "balls" fall to the wayside. But it's not healthy! Babies love to see their parents be close and model a well-rounded relationship! We must keep on trying to keep most of the balls in the air. And why is it that the "relationship foundation" ball (pre-baby) is the first ball we see fit to drop? Foundation is foundation and it's crucial to the family!

Will our babies have a better time of becoming parents and upgrading (yes, a positive word!) the foundational relationship between the spouses/committed? Will we be the models for our kids to have healthy balanced relationships pre and post babies?

The internet has replace our blissfull pre-baby relationship with our men! But, the internet will always be there! (wink)

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I'm not a religous person. But, I do have faith. Generations of humanity would not suffer without purpose.

Or, is it that we are reincarnated until we understand our trials and pass our lifelong test? How come some pain feels so familiar- to the bones. There are levels to pain. There are levels past that pain that signify growth and pending happiness.

I think I've been reincarnated. In fact, I think my soul has been recycled a few times. I wonder who I was in the first place. How much has my spirit improved?

In the end, we all end up in the same place. Dust to dust. I guess that's why it's so important to make everyday count- to make your presence on earn relevant.

Is spiritual success revelance? I hope this is the last time I'll be reincarnated...

Monday, April 10, 2006

I'm taking baby-steps...
I guess I'm still mentally adjusting to staying home with Jasmin. Don't get me wrong: I think it's groovy that I stay with her and watch her development. The traditional woman in me is battling the goal driven/working/independent woman I have tried to put in hibernation.
I'm coming to a realization that motherhood is not an extolled occupation among the masses. And, I feel myself missing out on the praise/positive feedback that I used to receive when I worked in the school. I feel like I only exist to my beloved daughter. And I feel guilty about not bringing in money to the household.
My mental tug-of-war tends to overwhelm me and contributes to a defeated mood. Every morning I feel guilty for not getting up and "going to work" as Todd does. I've been trying to make up for that deficiency by doing housework full-throttle. But, that only keeps me occupied. And when I don't have company to share a sparkling clean house with fresh baked goods, I feel bittersweet again.
I feel that I have so much to live up to now as a wife and mother and wonder if I am a person my daughter will be proud of. Is caring for her and loving her going to be enough? Have I proven to the world that I am indispensible?
I work hard to keep a happy house and mood. I feel that it's my responsibility to bring happiness and smiles into Jasmin's life. And there is where my biggest reward lies: she continually fuels my positive and happy outlook.
So, as I tune out the discord in my mind, I am secretly taking Jasmin's lead: baby steps. I used to chuckle at the movie "What about Bob?" when he was prescribed "baby steps" in therapy. But I'm seeing how monumental and helpful it is in my life. Go figure, the biggest adjustment I've made since becoming a mother is to think like a child. Isn't life ironic and beautiful?! =)

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Mental Breakthrough!
I have had an ongoing dilema. I know that I'm a quality person. I even think I qualify as interesting and quirky. I value my friendships and relationships.
That being said, I still tend to be shy. I get anxious meeting new people. And being in a big group- forget it. I get so overwhelmed that I imagine myself to be invisible. I've been socially mentally handicapped.

I decided to tackle this issue the other day and searched for sources in the library that would help me in social arena. I picked the audio book up a few hours before a dreaded large mommy's group event. I listened to it for about 10 minutes and was determined to remember all of the tricks of the social trade.

When I arrived at the event, it was as though I had stage fright and the 10 min. prep session seemed to vanish from my social arsenal. I was so panicked to talk to the new moms that one of the first things I said was that I listened to a book to teach me how to talk to new people. I thought I made a foot-in-mouth error.

A few hours after the event, I received an email from one of the moms. She said that it was nice to meet me and that I made her feel at ease. WHO? ME? ME? I was the idiot that broadcasted the fact that I am socially inadequate.

Well, I guess I came upon my own tip for that I know wasn't in the book. Break the ice with a self deprecating statement in a comical kind of way. (though I didn't think I came off as comical) I unknowingly made the other moms feel more at ease with me by clumsily admitting my "prep session".

Also keep in mind, I wrote an almost identical email to a mom a week ago. So not only did I stumble upon a social lifevest, but I received the same compliment I had circulated prior to the event.

Wow! Craziness has worked to my advantage! =)
I woke up this morning and I felt like my whole house was smiling at me. I spent a good part of yesterday cleaning and organizing parts of my house. My arms felt heavy from scrubbing all types of things till they shined, and after a while, the perfectionist in me emerged. While I felt physically worn, I also felt I had accomplished much.

This morning was the payoff. I was practically blinded by all that was shining clean. And I never realized that I would feel happier and alert to wake up to so much tidiness. I'm a changed woman! I'm going to save a lot on electricity because my whole house is gleaming!

Next step is to get my DH to follow suit! =) But I'll love him regardless.

Friday, April 07, 2006

I'm calling my agent for a better photographer! You're not supposed to mix polka dots and stripes in a single photo!
I demand another photo shoot...
"High Five to all my homies."

Just practicing sitting up all by my lonesome. Doing pretty good, if I do say so myself. BTW, I look this good all the time! =p

I've been watching Baby Signing Time. I finally learned how to wave. j/k But I'm seriously in the process of learning some good "Give me More!"

A Rap Song dedicated to Jasmin...
(beat boxing in the background)
You are Kim,
and I am Chi.
We are Kim*Chi,
This is a comical song I thought of b/c Jasmin and I are so close. We're like two peas in a pod. We're like kim-chi. For those of you who don't know what "kimchi" is; kimchi is a Korean staple dish that accents all meals. It was first discovered a long long time ago by a cabbage farmer who was washing his cabbage crop in the ocean. He was so tired that he fell asleep with the cabbage left in the salt water. The next morning he woke up distraught that he ruined his crop. In despair, he tasted his wilted cabbage and actually found the taste palatable. Thus the "birth" of kimchi, which is pickled cabbage. Over the years, it has been adjusted and fine tuned. These days kimchi will also include onions, hot pepper, garlic and fish sauce. Other vegetables can be used in the same way, for example, cucumber and radishes. Personally, I love it! And I ate it when I was pg, so I'm sure Jasmin will like it as well.
So this Kimchi Rap is my Ode to Jasmin; tho I'm sure I'm not the first to dedicate kimchi in this way. =)

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Nunchi is the Korean term for "the power of the eyes". It is the innate power a person possesses that allows them to sense/monitor the feelings/wellbeing of another person/soul just by looking at them. It's an extreme sense of empathy.
Imagine how much peace & love would exist in the world if we practiced this awareness?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

I'm starting to F.L.Y.!!!!!!!!!!!
F.L.Y. is the acronym for "Finally Love Yourself".

I'm making sure that I make Todd and my home as clean, sane and organized as possible by developing daily habits. So then, when they are automatic, I can bask in a beautiful home and concentrate on my goals and devote more time to Jasmin.

And by the way, I loved myself before I found the's just hard to treat myself in a loving way all the time. I think many people take themselves (their health, beauty, individuality, talents) for granted.

So, in the real sense, my message to you is to: Finally love yourself. =)

Memphis Ran Away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poor Todd, he's very concerned. Memphis was his sidekick for years.

I'm trying to keep him optimistic. We're going to check again at the Humane Society tomorrow.

Go figure. Todd just fixed the fence yesterday. And...he broke his collar a week ago andwe took for granted that he might run off and so we put off getting a new one!

I hope he finds his way home so Todd can teach him a lesson for letting us worry so much!

Is this such a insane coincidence that he chose today to run away. We don't even want to think about the possibilities...

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Monday, April 03, 2006


Forgetting the fight in the morning : PRICELESS
Experimental Muffins

THE ART OF FRUGALITY leads to many possibilities.

Mix: Oats, Old remnants of generic cereal, applesauce, raisins, eggs, brown sugar, vanilla, baking powder, flour & milk

Add: a trial and error self taught cook

= oversized, deliciously moist & nutritious MUFFINS!!!!



What to make out of the baby food my daughter refuses to eat!
She's not going to take it laying down...

Jasmin is, to my surprise, taking more physical risks. I'm coming to realize that my days of being bored with her development have passed. It's time for me to keep my eyes open to record all of her feats and protect her from harm.

She was sitting in my lap in the regular way (leaning against me) and decided to try sitting up on her own. And I almost didn't notice because I was correcting papers!

I think my "muli-tasking" is going to have to be more calculated for her safety. Now I'm excited! I can't wait for her to sit up and enjoy baths! She's a Mermaid in training! lol
Fingering stripes...

My daughter is so young for deep thought, but she is always entranced by the stripes on our couch. She traces the colored stripes very slowly and deliberately. As a mother, I just wonder what she must be thinking... and I wish she'd tell me.

She is also obsessed with lights. Anytime she's crying she is soothed when we walk her around our kitchen with the lights on.

Pretty soon, I think she'll start pointing to all of the stains on my mommywear shirts.

I wish I could see the world through her innocent brown eyes...
My Daily Inspiration
Have you been so emotional that you wept to your cat?

Have you ever guessed you were being proposed to without ever hearing the proposal?

How many months passed and how many P.T.s had you taken until you got confirmation that your fatigue and nausea was for a higher purpose?

Have you ever left the country alone with less than $250 only 3 people knowing about it?

Have you ever received a letter from a long lost relative a month before a momentous event in your life?

Have you ever sprung a leak at an 8 hr business class? What kind?

Have you ever listened to a therapist about their pension for tea drinking and rice preferences?

Do you know someone who's been stopped by the Gendarme?

Have you ever celebrated Valentine's Day with someone other than your BF/GF/Spouse?

Does Soju do a body good?

Did you know that motherhood can make you cross-eyed?



You don't know me. I could have walked passed you in baby aisle of the grocery store and we could have exchanged the "I understand how being a new mom is"- smile.

Of all the millions of people who love the internet and love to write- who wants the same boring introduction. Life is too short to not get to the point-the meat of the story. So I've posed to you some questions that relate to my life and craziness.

You have to read on for the juicy details...
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