Thursday, June 01, 2006

Perfectionists are not productive!

We do a yo-yo cycle of behaviors: doing everything & be "perfect", or do nothing and let everything fall apart. I believe that the biggest slobs (me too at times) are the world's biggest perfectionists. And that-in itself- perpetuates the cycle of beating ourselves up. Perfectionists do things that sabatoge their sense of worth and well-being in huge gestures that relieve guilt or that attempt to achieve acceptance/love.

It doesn't have to be "all or nothing". All we can do is do our best. If people don't love and cherish us for our hearts and our loving gestures, they are toxic and shouldn't be part of our lives. One of my favorite books (in my self-help days) is called "Toxic Parents". It is not reserved just for families and most times helps with the spectrum of relationships in our "spheres". When you add "perfectionism" to a "toxic" relationship our spiritual self tends to morph into an equal opportunity punching bag.

I think our biggest/worst "toxic" relationship is with our "perfect" alter-ego. I became friendly with a fellow adoptee who was in such a toxic family situation that his parents convinced him that he was nothing and that he should die. So one day, he laid in their yard for hours just willing himself to die. How heartbreaking is that!! I nearly cried myself silly when I listened to that.

We need to make friends with that alter-ego so that it doesn't resemble toxic people in our lives and have it fight on our behalf. We need to subdue that inner "perfect" alter-ego and have it admit that even "it" can't be perfect.


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